Goodbye estrogen I'll miss you

Yesterday I was having fun with the situation because the news is good. Today I'm annoyed but not in that stressful way.

The tumor I have is rare. This hepatocellular adenoma. It's only found in women my age (what the hell is that supposed to mean?) on birth control (hormones). Yes, yes, I abuse my bc's but it seems that I probably was going to get it anyway. Perhaps it wouldn't have grown so large but we'll never know. I personally believe the benefits to less/no periods outweighs the other option. However, I cannot continue to ingest hormones when I know the estrogen is feeding the tumor. (where's arnold when you need him?)

It's common for this type of tumor to be present and then shrink when the woman ceases the bc's. That's proof enough for me. The real problem with this mass-o-vessels is that it can continue to grow and could rupture at any moment. Does that happen very often, no. It's not something I'll stress about. I'm off birth control and terrified I'm going to get knocked up. I'm hoping that my next CT will show a decrease in the size of the tumor and we'll be on our way to complete normalcy.

The scary thing is that had I not inquired about my own health I could have bled internally when that mass ruptured and got bigger w/o my knowledge. It's scary to think about that but I'm glad that I wanted to know if I was in danger of high cholesterol or other easily testable diseases. You should get yourself checked out. It may save your life.

Cancer Free

Dear Hepatocellular Adenoma,

I'm just sitting here with my headache and liverache. How are you? It's great that you stopped by to cause confusion and concern but I'd appreciate it if you'd deflate and disappear. What's that you say? Stop feeding you birth control? Well well my tumor of shit, how the hell am I supposed to keep tiny dudes from emerging from my uterus?

Thanks for the unnecessary biopsy, that was fun!

Love,
Your local host, Tara.

Dear Hostess,

When will you stop being angry and feed me some cupcakes? I promise not to bleed and cause you any more surgery or harm.

Love,
Your Livery Tumor


I'll let you know what the gastrointerologist says about all of this on the 25th. If I get knocked up before then I'm going to kill this tumor w/my bare hands.

Thanks to all of you for your love and support. My tumor thanks you too.

Post Liver Biopsy. AKA The Worst Day of My Life Thus Far

If someone told me what I'd really feel like after this biopsy I'd have told them to fuck off. I've never had any hospital bouts so the pain was completely foreign. I feel like a wimp and I really hate that.

I kept thinking that I was watching someone else being wheeled to the CT room. I kept thinking this could not in fact be happening. It's too ridiculous. When the tech, radiologist and anesthesiologist are giving me their speeches I keep laughing (before any drugs) and saying this whole thing is stupid. Then we get into a chat about where my faerie will be stabbed for the biopsy. When the radiologist walks into this conversation he looks perplexed and then once he starts jabbing scissors in my ribs to figure out where he's going in (no meds) he realizes there's not faerie in the room but a faerie he might have to attack w/a needle. A needle they discuss in this manner. "So here's the 19 gauge needle but we have a 20" and they poke the scissors in me some more and look at my intercostals perplexed. I finally look over at the anesthesiologist and say, "is it too soon for the good stuff? I think I need to be high if I'm going to have to listen to which gauge needle they're about to stab me with." He laughs and begins to get ready to push it.

Oh dear baby jesus. Now I know why people ruin their lives to become junkies. That first hit was like sex and candy. Wait, isn't that a song? Seriously that was good stuff but totally not worth what came after I woke up.

You know that stabbing feeling you get when you run for a while? In your side. That's what it feels like. That sensation times two and then for some reason my uterus is crampy. So moving is super fun. It's like I don't have abs and believe me there's plenty of flab to prove that theory.

So I feel awful and am in the hospital laying on my right side so that if I'm bleeding it doesn't pool. This is so uncomfortable I ask for more meds. I never want to take anything. I don't believe in it. However I'm in pain. I'm on the verge of tears every few minutes and all I can keep saying is, "this is so fucking stupid." Poor Chris hasn't eaten since 8am and he's trying to comfort me. It's 3pm. I came out a lot later than I was supposed to. I swear I heard they took 4 samples. I swear that the doctors looked perplexed by the screen of my thoracic cavity. I thought my thoracic vertebrae looked awesome. I saw my insides and they're pretty cool. Turns out I want to keep them. All of 'em.

I bled a lot. The mass was very vascular and all I know is that I changed gowns in the CT room and when I looked I was a bloody mess; and I don't mean that in a british way. I had to stay 4 hours post biopsy for observation. It was terrible. I couldn't eat so I couldn't get any vicodin or I'd be sick. Then I got sick. Do you know what its like to puke IV fluid with a freshly wounded liver? Don't try it. Highly overrated. The only good part was that Chris jumped up to help me throw up into my pink bean shaped vomit bowl. He held my hair, I held a very warm bowl of vomit. It was love. Seriously, I realized in that moment that no one else would do. After I apologized for stinking up the room and over all ruining his day he says, "I'm used to it. I'm just glad it doesn't smell like alcohol." Oh l'amour. Finally I'm really thankful for his job.

My mom was there which was comforting too. It was at that moment that I also realized we'd been in the opposite situation only 4 years ago. Fucking cancer. I'm going to be pissed no matter what the news is about the tumor. No cancer, great. Thanks for the biopsy that was super fun. Cancer, holy shit I don't think I can do this every week. The pain, fatigue and vomiting.

Ugh. I'm grumpy and I hate being a burden. This sucks. I can't drive for another 12 hours, not that I could. I can't lift anything over 10lbs for a few days and I can't have ibuprofen for 5 days. This tylenol shit isn't cutting it. Guess who's getting a migraine? Oh and I can't have alcohol for another 12 hours. Not that is sounds appealing at all but I like that she threw that in there while I was wiping the mucus off my face post vomitus maximus.

In conclusion, I do not recommend nor condone the use of large needles in any organs. When I walk I look like a grandma. I cannot walk upright for very long. WTF?

Go organic to minimize your risk of carcinogens. This isn't worth it. I promise.

A Little Less Phone Calls A Lot More Sleep

The phone rang at 3am and then again at 430am. No one is there but static and no caller ID. I wonder if it was jesus christo.

I've been awake since 3am. My back hurts again and I've got yet another headache. Ibuprophen isn't even helping the headaches anymore but I can't take my migraine medicine unless I want to be comatose.

I hope this fog will lift upon the words, "you don't have cancer but we need to watch the tumor in case it grows and causes any other problems; have another ultrasound in 6 months. BYE!" Those glorious words.

I don't think watching a liver biopsy on youtube made me sleep any faster last night.

Thank you to all of my fabulous friends and family who are so graciously ready to entertain me on a moments notice. If it'll make you feel better to visit me tomorrow before the biopsy please do so. I don't however want you to come sit around waiting for me to come out of a very uneventful procedure. It's not like its surgery. I'll be okay and my parents and Chris will be there so it's not like I'll be lonely. I hate sitting in hospitals waiting for someone to come out so I sympathize with the situation. I don't however want to make anyone feel like I don't want to see them. It's not personal but I know the whole thing is all very boring.

I promise to post a post biopsy report to announce the ridiculous shit I said under the IV hootch. Hopefully I don't call Chris the wrong name and tell the tech I love him/her. There's just no telling.

Keep up all the positive energy! I'm off to harness my chi.

T

4 Days

It's purely coincidental that the name of my blog is Tarafied and my e-mail address is taratoma@gmail.com. I didn't want any of you to freak out about it and think I was being dramatic. I've had that e-mail address for years but it's not my primary.

I had my blood drawn this morning. I stopped looking after 4 viles. Seriously? I hope they didn't take more than that. It was making me nauseous. Well that and the fact that I ate pizza right before bed and then didn't have anything to eat or drink before the lab. I wasn't even supposed to fast. I'm just an idiot.

It's going to be a long day. I'm thinking I need Clay Pit mussels to make me feel better.

Biopsy or Bust

I haven't been blogging for fear that I would ruin a friends vacation. I can't see why she'd check my blog but on the off chance that she did I didn't want to upset her. Now that I have some news it doesn't seem as scary although I don't personally feel all that better about it.

My MRI baffled the radiologist and my family physician. What we thought would be a simple hemangioma turned out to have a dense portion w/in the mass. It's inconclusive enough to warrant further investigation. He referred me to an oncologist since he isn't a specialist.
Yesterday I went to my mom's oncologist, Dr. Kasper, at Texas Oncology. I never thought I'd be in that building again. In my own shoes. Filling out the paperwork reminded me of the terrifying day I'd been helping my mom with hers. I was warm and clammy. I hadn't had more than two bites of cereal and a latte and it was 330pm.

I sit at the dreaded patient services desk talking about insurance and coverage. I get a folder w/information that says, "FIGHT CANCER." I want to bolt.

So there Chris and I go into the exam room. Oh wait. I forgot to tell you that I'm running a fever. They take it twice and its 100. Really?

We talk to Billie, the nurse, and Dr. Kasper. They're both wondering what idiot referred me here to waste their time. Okay that's what their faces seem to be saying. However a few things that I hadn't considered come up. Fatigue the last few months, bruising, my headaches. All of a sudden I think, "oh shit, I've got cancer." To which I'm reminded that it's not much by way of the liver. It's a stretch. He doesn't understand why I've got this mass and no real health problems.

So he decides that we need to run some tests. A CBC(complete blood count), AFP(alpha-fetoprotein) and CEA(carcinoembryonic antigen). The CBC will look at my blood cells in numbers and types of cells. The AFP detects tumors of liver and ovaries in my case. The CEA measures protein in the blood that's affiliated with cancer (typically colon, pancreas, breast and ovary).

The reason for these tests is that its abnormal to get liver cancer. Unlikely. People with liver cancer usually have cancer in another organ/tissue and it metastasizes to the liver. I don't have any symptoms of any cancer thus far but these tests in conjunction with one another will give us a clue if anything questionable is going on. It's still not enough though.

Wednesday I will have a CT directed biopsy of the liver mass. My condition is medically coded as hepatic lesions. I feel like a fucking AIDS patient all of a sudden. Anyway, it's a 15 minute simple procedure. I'll be consciously sedated. Silly and won't remember anything. I'm going in to Seton Main at 1030am, the biopsy is at 1pm and I should be out of there an hour or two later and only be sore. Chris will drive me home and I'm sure I'll lay around feeling even more anxious for results. You think think they'll give me more of the conscious sedation for my liesurely needs?

What I'm saying is that the oncologist is baffled by my overall good health and this tumor in bmy liver. He wants to make sure he's not overlooking something because I look healthy and feel okay but he is concerned about what this mass could entail.

I'm not holed up and bawling every minute but I'm not sleeping well and suddenly very aware of my damn liver and my back hurts. He did karate chop my back and asked if it hurt. It didn't.

I drank a glass and a half of wine, didn't enjoy it and when I wasn't even thinking about my liver I swear I felt it throb. It's all in my mind, I know. If you have a way to shut down my brain please let me know. I'm willing to try.

I'll update after the biopsy but I won't have any new information until Friday. Another week in the lap of limbo.

Hemangioma, shmeangioma

El doctor thinks that mass in my liver is a tumor-o-blood vessels. Benign most likely. I feel a little better about the whole thing and tomorrow morning I'm having a MRI to verify the guessing game that has been my life.

I'll post the results when I get them.

Why do I have this mass and what does it mean? I don't know. Once we can verify what it is then we can figure out or give a good ol' u.s. of a western medicine guess.

I'm veiny.

Answer The Phone!

Holy shit if someone doesn't answer the phone at my doctors office so that I can talk to his nurse or him I'm going to rip out my liver myself and take it to the receptionist.

So no, I haven't heard from my doctor just yet.

Liver Mass: Noon Worship

It's a difficult and uncertain thing to say. I have a mass on my liver. The mass needs to be looked at via MRI for further evaluation. It could mean I have a mass for no real reason and its not cancerous or problematic. It could mean something a lot worse but that's simply ridiculous, right?

Since most of my lab work is normal and I don't have any symptoms I think the likelihood that this is something serious is slim. This is what I'm telling myself. I'm telling myself this until Tuesday when my doctor is finally back at work and will give me his opinion and then place an order for an MRI so that I can get answers as fast as possible.


For the technical you:

A 7.5 x 8.1 x 6.2 cm slightly heterogeneous but predominantly isochoic mass is seen in the right lobe of the liver. The liver is otherwise unremarkable.


Am I concerned? Yes. Am I plagued by this? Not yet. It's fresh on the brain and too foreign to comprehend just yet. For now I shall enjoy the weekend and hope that work is busy on Monday so that I don't have time to sit around wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Uncertainty is worse than a diagnosis and prognosis. Even if it's serious at least I'll know.

Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. These benign masses show up on organs all the time. I could name it and move on with my life w/o any problems.

PS. I'm not telling my parents or Chris' parents anything until I know what's what. They're parents. They worry enough. Let's not make them worry about something that's likely to be nothing.

TSH & Amylase: The Loves of My Life

It's not my thyroid or my pancreas. Good news but the possibilities are more mysterious.

I'm having a liver ultrasound in the morning so maybe it'll be tap dancing or something that would cause an increase in ATP.

It's Chris' birthday today. 26 years old. Weird. He's growing up before our eyes! I haven't seen him yet. We're having a late lunch to celebrate. By that I mean he'll be half awake and will pretend to eat while I engulf my red curry. Then I'm going to a book club meeting while he sleeps. Turning 26 is the best!

The olympics are keeping me up late at night. I cannot believe the Chinese gymnasts. They're ridiculously good. It's as if they're on wires performing those stunts. I swear one of them is going to rocket themselves into the next venue.

It'd be pretty awesome if a hot male gymnast would miraculously fly on top of one of the hot scantily clad divers. That would be some olympic gold! In my book.

And Phelps. Seriously. He's evolved into a water creature. Does that dude have gills? In the time that he rested between meets last night I drank more rum and had another slice of pizza on the couch. I feel like such a loser.

Back to the goat cheese.

Now that's what I call doctoring!

Every time I see my primary physician I swear he gets more handsome. It's ridiculous than men become better looking and distinguished with age. He's probably only 42 or so but wow, he's hot.

After I close my mouth and stop staring at him in a longing way we begin discussing my health and possibilities. I tell him about my family history and how Jocko had all these tests run that I have and the ones he orders. He doesn't seem baffled by this fact but I'm still thinking that we've been poisoned by some unknown source. I'm not going to turn into a zombie who's convinced there's a government conspiracy to kill me with lead. I'll let it go.

The doctor felt me up, I mean examined me and didn't find anything extraordinary or abnormal. He didn't think he would and doesn't think that anything is really wrong with me.

He ordered a thyroid test, pancreatic amylase test and then I'm having a liver ultrasound to verify that there isn't any hidden necrosis or disease as a precaution. If nothing is definitive then we'll retest my blood in another month to monitor the altered enzymes in hopes that they're leveling out and monitor my over all health as well to assure there are no other changes.

I assume I'll get lab results in a few days and I've got to schedule my liver ultrasound. I hope they print me out a picture.

Other stuff-

I'm watching the olympics and loving it. I can't get enough. Badminton is such a hilarious/genius sport. I have a net. We should play.

I'm having a pampered chef party. Weird, I know. They have several products that I love. I really am looking forward to accumulating more of them. September 13th. Noon. My place or Annie's, I'm not sure.

Another vile, another day

After more tests and more confusion I've come to the conclusion (Tara Vela S.P.M.D.) that its my thyroid and not my liver. Why you ask? Controlling my thyroid is easier than not having cocktails. That's why. I can't believe I thought I was an alcoholic.

So it turns out my ALP is the one that's elevated.

Here's the low down. Really the high up.

ALP metabolizes phosphorus and brings energy back to the body.

Normal ALP would be 49-145. Mine was 259 one week and 249 the next.

My bilirubin, calcium and co2 are low. My GGT (brings oxygen to tissues) is in normal range.

If your ALP is high and GGT normal it could be bone disease, congestive heart failure or hyperthyroidism. My sister has an over active thyroid.

So then I had another round of testing. Alkaline phosphatase isoenzymes. The liver one was 198 when the normal range is 0-94. The bone one was 40 which is within the 0-55 norm and the other one was 238 in a 40-120 range.

Hyperthyroidism is common and treatable. Buster is on human hyperthyroid meds so I can just bum his goods.

I also don't have to worry about drinking and feeling like I'm two shots away from death.

I'm relieved and I don't even have confirmation that my conclusions are fact. I did learn that I don't have hepatitis. That's always nice to know.

I'm going for follow ups next week. I'll let you know.