The Hottest Pressie Ever!

I'm sorry but I don't care about his policies at the moment. Although I wish he had a Sigg and not a plastic water bottle. I love our president elect.

Soups on!

Composting as I type. The browns and the greens are decaying in harmony to create an organic and rich soil that will feed plants. What plants? I don't know. I've got until the spring to figure that out.

I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to change my path. My career path. It's funny that people always find it odd that I'm still working at the same job I've had for 12 years. It's expanded tremendously in those 12 years but not enough. I enjoy my work but do not reap any of the benefits I deserve. An opportunity has surfaced in another department but at the Erwin Center. I've decided to take the leap. Where to you ask? Marketing. I'm applying for an assistant marketing manager position. I'm hoping that my knowledge of the business, venue and target audience will supersede my lack of direct marketing experience. It doesn't hurt to try. If I'm in over my head then I have to respect the decisions made by that department not to take a chance on me. I hope they don't because now I'm itching for a challenge and a way out. This isn't exactly the time to be actively seeking employment.

Speaking of employment. My sister is going to lose her job. What the? I know quite a few people who are in the same boat too. This is getting scary. What the hell are people going to do?

I just made really yummy veggie soup. Chunky spicy soup. Now I'm sleepy and warm but still need to work on my resume. Le eek! Resume writing is intense. It gives me a stomachache.

Things and Stuff.

In what...way... (movie quote)

Chris and I went on a date last night. Dinner AND a movie! That never happens. We saw Slumdog Millionarie (doesn't come out until Friday) and loved it! I recommend it to anyone who values an interesting plot, great execution, a decent soundtrack and nice cinematography. I was entertained and I believe Christopher even enjoyed it.

I hate having news I can't share. Hopefully I'll be able to do so in the near future. No, I'm not pregnant! Sheesh.

I'm turning 31 tomorrow and uncertain as to its meaning. I don't feel old by any means but saying 31 is odd. It feels awkward. Like saying you're 11 or 22. What does it mean? Why isn't there some significance? I guess it's only significant if you make so. Maybe this is my year! My year to shine? My year to do something new and exciting? Travel? More adult behaviors? I don't know. All I know is that it won't include children. Every year I get further away from childbreaing years is a small achievement in my eyes. That's just me. Marriage should not equal condoms. That's all I'm saying.

Stupid liver. No more news on that. I'm supposed to go visit another doctor but I'm in no mood for that. I'm waiting until the new year. Maybe there will be new news! News that the tumors are 50% of their original state. That'd be something to celebrate in the 31st year of life!

2 wks until this wretched christmas crap is over. It cannot come and go soon enough. 2009 is going to be weird. I think its' all the odd numbers that throw me off. I don't like 'em. I'm oddaphobic.

My grandpa is turning 100 years old very soon! It's so monumental that I cannot wrap my head around the concept. I don't pretend to imagine what it must mean because I feel like a child most days. Not because I behave childishly but because there's so much I don't know. About life. About politics. About the planet. About different cultures and land. About myself. It's interesting to think what 100 years of living could do to your vision of yourself and the world around you. How it must change so frequently yet some how remain constant. I hope I don't live that long. 75 is enough for me. I'd like to die suddenly or in my sleep but in a good state of health. I want to be mobile and sharp but get hit scootin' around town or something. No cancer or comas. Just death around 75.

I have no idea where all of this random information is coming from today but I hope you've pondered life while reading my mild catharsis.

Birthday Compost

If I don't get this for my birthday I'm going to cry. I've been trying to find a used compost bin forever! It's the ultimate recycling. This thing was probably a few hundred dollars and I'm hoping it'll be all mine for only $40.

Yes, I realize I don't need a bin but have you met my dogs? They'd eat the compost because they're idiots. It's likely I'll find them chewing on this thing one day but hopefully they won't get to the goods.

I heart craigslist.

No meat better than a hybrid car!

“I’m not sure that the system we have for livestock can be sustainable,” said Dr. Pachauri of the United Nations. A sober scientist, he suggests that “the most attractive” near-term solution is for everyone simply to “reduce meat consumption,” a change he says would have more effect than switching to a hybrid car.

This quote caught my attention so I'm giving you the link to read the article. Thank you Brandi for sending this to the book club ladies!

After our talk last night about The Omnivore's Dilemma I'm left with a vile feeling about the American food industry.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/04/science/earth/04meat.html?pagewanted=2&_r=2&hp

Baking is over rated.

I've been baking for hours and I hate it. I never have everything I need and who has this much time? Toast this, refrigerate that, don't forget to sift and holy crap I cannot believe you packed that and folded this. Sheesh. It's too damn precise for my low leveled patience.

I've had to harness my chi a few times this morning/afternoon.

I'm trying out a few recipes to see if I can actually bake well enough to please the cookie monster in my house and possibly bake some gifts this year instead of buying everyone gifts. We shall see. I'm trying out an Espresso Crinkles and Pecan Snowballs recipe. I hate following recipes, it removes all the fun in cooking. I'm not certain that anyone needs cookies for a gift since they're not in fact low fat but it's thoughtful and organic which some how offsets the ugly.

We're having organic Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house today. Fresh, light and delightful. I scored an organic turkey for the cost of a natural one! (I cannot reveal my source because it was a semi-secret.) We're having rice pilaf, fresh green beans w/shallots and sage and roasted root vegetables. Yay! I'll post a picture of the meal so you can drool.

I've got to run to the oven to complete step 4000 in the cookie extravaganza.

Thanks.

Last night I went home and caught up on reading a few of the magazines that were piling up. It was nice to have quiet time to do this and I had some left over chicken and rice soup that I made Sunday. The soup warmed me up and I had this feeling that I needed to be doing something for someone else. Should I warm up soup and put them in their own containers and take them to homeless people? I considered this for a while. I'd have to go buy plastic spoons, which isn't a great idea but I can't take them soup w/o a spoon. The deed goes from good to pathetic. I work out all the details in my head and am about to start heating up the soup. It dawns on me that sometimes homeless people are mentally ill or other wise unstable beings. Not all of them but how am I to tell? It's 8pm and dark. Is this a good idea? Chris was asleep so I couldn't ask him to go with me. I then realized that he'd probably refuse to partake in this excursion and wouldn't let me go. He deals with the homeless. He deals with the drunks, addicts and street people. One of them shot and killed his uncle. I was sad to think that something that seemed so innocent became a possible danger. I guess its better to volunteer my time in a shelter or something that has supervision but I want my act of kindness to be solitary and on my own time. Turns out I'm a selfish bastard no matter what. Thanks-for-not-giving.

Buster did something cute and I missed it. There's no evidence and I feel like a mother who missed her kids first word or step. In this case I missed the time Buster got his head stuck in the trashcan lid in the bathroom and then managed to lock himself in the bathroom. Christopher heard some odd noises while sleeping yesterday and woke up to find Buster, busted. We have one of those trashcan lids that's a bubble and there's a swinging lid to deposit the trash. In trying to get into the trash he simply deposited his head and got it stuck. Christopher said he was walking around the house with it on his head and he couldn't get it off. He was too groggy to find the camera and Buster looked embarrassed and he felt bad for him. He took it off his head and sent him on his way. Oh how I wish we had a picture! It makes me chuckle just imagining it. Bus has little brother syndrome. He's always doing something ridiculous and making an ass of himself trying to be sly.

Holidays

It's the holidays? Every year its the same thing. I wake up and holy shit it's Thanksgiving. This year its no different.

Yesterday I was having a chit chat with the parentals about le menu. I'm so tired of eating the same shitty food every year. There's no reason we cannot make it from scratch and maybe even a little healthier. At least organic. The only way this happens is if I take the reins. So I'm buying an organic turkey, making broccoli cheese casserole from scratch (none of that condensed campbells' crap) and fresh green beans instead of green bean casserole. If I still ate all the bad stuff I did as a child I'd be 200lbs. I'm not saying we can't have a little cream, sugar and cheese. I'm saying let's try to cut back a few calories where they're unnecessary, eat some fresh light stuff too and keep the chemicals out of the lunch. I care about what you eat and all of a sudden I'm being weird? I don't get it. I don't think there's one person in my immediate family that's not over weight. Myself included. We do not have to have as many calories as possible in one day. It's not a contest. I should just go back to being veg and refuse to eat any of it. Ugh. Why must this be so difficult? I swear it'll taste delicious! People act like they enjoy getting cancer and watching their loved ones die from it.

Hepatocellular Adenoma Unchanged

No change in the tumor. Tumors to be exact. There are quite a few small tumors lurking in my liver but I guess they weren't worth mentioning.

What now? I guess I have to go visit my gastroenterologist and probably have another MRI in a few months. I don't think anything will change anytime soon but let's focus on the good part of this news. The good news is that they're not growing. The bad news is I could bleed out on a moments notice but the likelihood of that happening is slim to no fucking way.

That's President Elect to YOU!

I cannot believe I haven't found time to gloat about this man winning the election! Work is really starting to get in the way of my personal life. Unacceptable.

Today I'm wearing my Obama shirt again to salute my president elect. I forgot that we were having a military career expo thing today at work and well, you can imagine the looks I got. Whatever. We've served our time under the Bush regime.

I'm finding this new sense of patriotism and I'm still a little uncomfortable with it. Not that America doesn't have a lot of great intentions and qualities but I've been feeling very unhappy about this country for so long that it's hard to feel proud without some reserve. I think I'm going to embrace it in spirit of remaining positive about our future.

Obama's face was gnawed off!

Is it just me or does this feel like a monumental day? Who thinks we need to make voting day a national holiday? I've already voted but it's just so damn important. I hope the rain doesn't keep people away from the polls today. I don't think it's going to continue but everyone needs to exercise their rights!

A squirrel ate our Obamakin! I came home last night and the lid was in the yard chewed up. Then I checked out Obama's face and it was gnawed off! I thought it was a raccoon until we saw a squirrel eating the pumpkin this morning! Who the hell does he think he is? He's getting organic pumpkin for free! Little punk (in).

So if anyone knows where to pick up some cool Obama shirts please let me know. I need one. I need 20. I need a beer. I'm stressed out. I watched him vote this morning and I thought I was going to to tear up.

What the hell is wrong with me? I've got Obamaitis. That's what.

Happy Obamaween!

I'm still in a good mood because the race isn't over. I need to feel good about this country again. I hate being embarrassed of 75% of what we do and stand for in America. The holier than thou and hypocrisy is a turn off. So I'm trying to stay positive in hopes that there will be a better speech giver in this country. I believe Obama will attempt to do good things but I'm not blinded to the fact that the president is a representative of the country and not really running things alone. There's a lot of people pulling the strings to make a president dance. Sometimes they have a hard time scrolling the teleprompter slow enough for good old boys but hopefully we'll have a more alive and very handsome commander in chief soon.
What the hell does a president's resume look like? Oh yeah...2009-2016 President of the United States of America.

Just a few more days of your uncle's ridiculous political forwards. Just a few more days...

Bring It On. The Bitch Squad Gets Slapped.

Tell me e-mail etiquette isn't that daunting. Tell me you understand why people get upset when you send mass e-mails that are impersonal or worse, complete bullshit. Do you realize how many people are sitting around laughing at your dumb ass for forwarding their silly stories that are 3am drunken jokes? Then you take them for fact and hit forward and then check off all the innocent people on your contacts list that you perhaps haven't talked to or seen in years?

Obviously I received an e-mail. You can check out that story at www.duh.com/youreafuckingidiot.

On a serious note. Why do people think it's okay to forward political and religious e-mails? What if I sent you an e-mail that said, "God is a figment of your imagination." You'd flip, right? I mean come on. I'm rowdy but not that much of an asshole. Just because I don't believe something doesn't mean that you can't believe in it. If I send anything out its usually an interesting story or something that I don't think will offend the receiver. If I there's a chance you'll be offended I'll write something like, "I'm sorry if this offends you; please feel free to tell me off."

Someone forwarded out two stupid e-mails today. Both weren't even factual which is annoying since that should be the first thing you check before forwarding something on as truth. I have done this before and upon being told that I was wrong I've learned a very valuable lesson (I'm allowed to be young and stupid.). However to top that off one was political and one was religious. They didn't come with disclaimers. They came w/little personal commentary. The religious one was about how there was a petition to remove pastors from tv. You know Joel Osteen and the like on Sunday mornings. I too am annoyed that they exist but choose to listen out of of curiosity and amusement and then change the channel when I get pissed off. (Personally I love Mother Angelica. I could watch her do the entire rosary when I'm drunk. It freaks me out but it's my version of watching a train wreck.) So anyway I like my breakfast sans preaching. No big deal.

The e-mail claimed that 287k people signed a petition to get them off air. This person was sending it out saying that it was a bad thing because it would affect the disabled and elderly who cannot make it to church. I flipped my lid. I went off about how if I was preaching atheism on tv they wouldn't have a problem petitioning to get my ass kicked off tv. About how people who are genuinely religious wouldn't let not being able to attend church get in their way of their faith. About how people have been practicing religious ceremonies and beliefs w/o tv and radio for a very long time. Did I mention that I hit reply all? If I'm going to be offended by this total lack of consideration then everyone will suffer the consequences. I cannot take it anymore. I cannot take this whole attitude that e-mail is some safe haven where you can act like an jerk and no one is allowed to get upset about it. If you wouldn't bring the content of an e-mail up in conversation at a cocktail party you probably shouldn't send it out to everyone in your address book.

I'm more annoyed by the complete lack of understanding as to why I'm upset by the e-mails than anything else. As if to say that my opinion doesn't count and I should simply shut the fuck up. Fuck you Shara, Misty and who ever else had to respond with off topic and obviously judgemental e-mails. FUCK YOU. Why bring up sex before marriage, violence on tv and pro-choice issues? Don't worry, I threw in the the words Muslim and Atheist to fucking freak them out in return. I hope they're all fucking praying their little hearts out for my soul tonight. It makes me loathe Christianity and that's not fair. I loathe Christianity for other more personal reasons.

No one is allowed to be called inconsiderate because they feel the need to send out poor and unwanted information but I'm allowed to be bashed for making a point that I find their antics repulsive. How Christian of you. Shara. It's Sarah! Okay that was a low blow but then again this heathen would know about that since I'll admit to blow jobs and sex before marriage where as they will not. Funny how easy it is to preach up there on that high horse of yours. I hope the view is beautiful. I hope you feel good about yourself. All I know is that I'm going to cut and paste all those fucking e-mails on one page and start a blog about the ignorance in America.

In the words of Torrence, "bring it."

Vote!

You need to vote. I don't care who you vote for (okay I do care but that shouldn't matter) but you should. I don't want to hear excuses. It's a right and you should participate and be thankful it's an option. I'd advise early voting for obvious reasons. I went Monday morning and had zero problems getting in and out of the big location on Airport Blvd and 53rd. Do it!

I had a book club meeting last night and we read Reading Lolita in Tehran. Don't waste your time. None of us were a fan of the writing. It had a lot of potential but never lived up to the hype. No one finished the book either. I'm only 100 pages in and every page I'm desperate to be spending my time doing something else. I hate not finishing books but I don't know if I can convince myself to do it.

We're reading The Omnivore's Dilemma next and I'm much happier about this choice. Yay!

I'm so damn sleepy I can hardly keep my eyes open. I shall manage w/thoughts of walking outside for some chilly air and chili later.

My life is boring huh? At least my blog isn't full of livery tumor problems. Stupid tumor. I'm going for a check up soon and I hope it took a hike.

Want to go to Bristol Palin’s Baby Shower?

Read below for details. I love Ms. Miranda. I really do.



This is a pretty hilarious and bright idea. Bristol, daughter of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, is as you probably already know getting married to the father of her unborn son. What better way to celebrate the miracle of life (and possibly the loss of choice) than with a baby shower? Swing state Cleveland, OH is where this event is taking place, on Sunday October 19th, run by Maria Miranda. Head over to the Prosperity Social Club in Treemont at 3:30pm to make it for all the festivities. This event is not just a big joke mind you, instead of bringing gifts, bring your checkbook and all donations will be given to Planned Parenthood of Alaska in Sarah Palin’s NAME!

From Miranda, ‘While Bristol Palin’s pregnancy is a personal family matter, it has re-energized a national discussion about abstinence-only education and its failure to be effective. Along with movies like Juno, the baby craze sweeping Hollywood, the hyper-sexualization of teen starlets, Jamie Lynn Spears and the rise in sexually transmitted infection cases in Northeast Ohio, comprehensive sex education is needed now more than ever.’ The party will also involve discussions regarding the status of the Ohio Prevention First Act as well as learn how to take action on the legislation. This act ‘will reduce unintended pregnancies through: realistic sexuality education and teen pregnancy prevention programs, funding for family planning programs, guaranteed access to birth control prescriptions, contraceptive equity, and emergency contraception access and education.’ Sounds like a fun event for a great cause for women’s rights, which is a great combination regardless of the Palin’s attempts at taking them away…

There will also be ‘Choice Cupcakes’, a performance by Lounge Kitty a cabaret act, and Rachel Catherine from Cupcake + Cuddlebunny, who will be on hand selling original ‘Bad Buttons’ from New York artist, Kate Black, that features snarky slogans such as: ‘Sarah Palin: You’re fucking shitting me, right? and ‘Palin will violate you with a severed wolf leg and make you pay for your own rape kit.’ Brilliant!!! Check out this blog The Palin Effect for a few laughs to gear yourself up for the shower. If you need any more info, feel free to email the events organizer, Maria Miranda at mariammiranda@sbcglobal.net.

Happy Birthday Audi

I've had my car a year and that's something to celebrate. I thought I was going to loose her in December 2007 but she made a full recovery after a douchebag ran me down in the Half Price Books parking lot 3 days before christ's fake birthday.

Life has become working and attempting to keep up w/personal day to day tasks. There's not much else going on. I've basenji proofed the house (I think). That was a huge task but locking them out of most rooms and putting all the books in the office seems to have done the trick. It's not really a trick so much as it's keeping those punks outta my prized possessions.

I'm hosting a girls night at my house, a book club meeting and a pumpkin carving party all in the next week. I guess I should start cleaning the dust bowl/grimefest that's also known as the Vela Villa.

This morning I said to Topher, "how do people have kids?" There's no way I could keep the house together, cook, work and be sane. I'd have to be a lot more drunk and that doesn't seem condusive to parenting. Then I told him we needed to be nicer to our moms. How the hell did they do it? Women are under so much scrutinty and yet manage to raise the world. It's amazing that we haven't been running the country for centuries. We'd just put it on our list of things to do while juggling the other 100 things that needed our attention.

Women are amazing. Spank yours and tell her she's pretty. Then buy her a yummy snack and give her a poke.

Ewwwww Sarah Cuda!

This image says it all. I don't care that a woman might be in the white house under the republican plan, I'm not THAT pro-woman. I want someone smart, not necessarily female. I want someone to be proud of not another embarrassment. (Can we really tolerate a vice president who will give shout outs?) I know that Obama doesn't have all the experience in the world but I also know that the president has hundreds of people advising him. He also doesn't appear to be a case of stupid. At least he's willing to admit his faults and still wants to make things better. Better is something we haven't seen in a while.

I also think that if McCain wins we're screwed. I know he too would have a lot of support but he's really only a slight lane change away from Bush's 8 years years in the crazy lane. If McCain wins I'm literally going to cry. There's no way he won't occlude while in office and then Palin will be our president? Really? That's terrifying. More terrifying than Hillary being president. Why won't some intelligent, liberal and optimistic yet realistic females run for office? Hillary gives me the chills. I hate to say it but I think she's a bitch. If she were a man and used the same tactics, I'd say he was an asshole.

So, who's for leaving the county if Obama doesn't win? Where should we go? Who will take us? American refugees. I can see the headlines now. It'll be glorious. We can take Obama with us.

The other obvious topic. I love Tina Fey. It's genius but I sure hope she gets to stop playing her very soon. Yay 30 Rock, boo Sarah Palin. Sarah Cuda is great. I don't care what you say. I can be a feminist and still loathe her.

Work is better but it'll be a whole lot better around 5pm when Clay Pit happy hour will provide me with mussels and cocktails. Who's coming?

October?

There are not enough hours in the day to sleep, eat, work, relax and clean. Something has got to give. A little.

All those months of boredom at work have caught up to us. It's the busy season. No time for long lunches, blogging or other tom foolery. I'm working my ass off but my ass isn't smaller. Shocking. Two shows last week, two this week, on-sales, pre-sales, two shows the following week and then one a week until the month is finally over. I hate this month. Next month we only have one show which is nice but then basketball starts and well you see where this is going. No life. That's where.

My allergies are a lot better since the arrival of steriods and since I can breathe and not look like a red faced freak I'm tolerating this crazy work schedule well.

October is happening and I'm missing it. It's the 5th? What the hell happened? I'm hoping to have my annual pumpkin carving party on the 22nd. It's still too early to tell. I'll send out an evite when I can pick a date. I want pumpkin seeds, mexican hot chocolate, cinnamon muffins and cold weather.

My only news is that I'm not preggers. Life is good.

Doggies, working and doctors-oh my!

Yesterday the boys read Magic, Witchcraft and Religion plus a knitting how-to book. Today it was How to Say It. They're just so damn smart. Oddly enough they didn't chew up the books but simply pulled them off the shelf. Buster hid one of the books under the living room rug though. Weirdos.

My dad was watching Radiohead on tv the other day and sort of liked it. RAD. Then my mom said she hated it. Growl. Now he's getting an Iphone. I swear he's going to be more of a hipster than that dude you always see in tight faded black jeans, a mexian western style button up w/pearl buttons shirt and greasy hair in the Waterloo check out line. He's got those cool black retro glasses too. WTF? I swear if he says to me, "have you heard the new Tv on the Radio?", I'm going to pass out. Which by the way is a great album. A lot less weird and more pop.

I'm totally annoyed with work. This super cool/smart chick that builds our shows on the ticketing system for us, quit. No one fought to keep her hard working brilliant ass so my boss, a co-worker and myself are learning to build shows. Literally from scratch. When you go to a ticketing website and see all the maps and choose your tickets and read all the messages on the pages and so on, that's just a part of what I've been learning this week. Remember I'm not a tech type employee. Selling tickets and doing all the other shit I do takes effort and knowledge but a well trained monkey could do it. Now I'm learning html and all sorts of other intricate software, stuff. Seriously, I don't know what to call it. My head spins a little when I do it or think about it. Or dream it. (sad) It's not like I don't get it but it's so much information I'm starting to feel like a little old lady that needs you slow down and REALLY explain what the web address is saying with all those characters. It reminds me of that movie Outsourced. All of a sudden it's like I'm just a robot and very easily replacable. Damn I wish I had real talent. I want to be a professional syncronized swimmer or something. Why can't Ecover sponsor me? Huh?

My gastrointerologist is a tiny, oddly dressed, round spectacle wearing dork. He's a nice guy but I didn't learn anything I didn't regurgitate or know. Although when watching him read my lab work and then assessing it and knowing what it adds up to was impressing. I wasn't impressed for a doctor but impressed in general. Just thinking about how much he has to know on a moments notice about the technical and then translate to the individual is astounding. There's a lot of organs he's in charge of, you know? There are so many diseases, conditions and factors that I cannot imagine how pathetic his life must be. I wish I was a doctor but I came to the conclusion long ago that I'm not smart enough. Well, I am but I'd have to work harder than the average med student. And I'm not passionate or motivated enough. Once you become a doctor and really understand your specialty you have to constantly read charts and pop quiz, you better get it right. Plus keep up w/new technology, research, take tons of work home blah blah. How do they do it? The human mind is unbelievable. That's all I was getting at. Oh and it was a waste of time for me to see him until I have another sono or ct which will happen in November with the oncologist. So then I'm going to see him in December. No birth control. All the alcohol I want and need.

Back to work.

How Do They Do It?

My dogs are out of control. Officially.

Yesterday we came home and a book was shredded. I took a deep breath and asked Chris what it was and since he wasn't being helpful I grabbed it and it was Sedaris, again. The same book not another one of his novels. I put it on a shelf with approximately 20 other books and pushed it in as I would any other book. I thought I'd just keep it and laugh about it later. Some how Buster picked it out of the other books, grabbed it and continued to tear it up. How is this possible?

How is it also possible for him to get a hold of something in a slot that's not taller than the top of the slot? Without knocking it over! It's like he's got an opposable thumb or he's secretly or an aye aye and kabobed the hidden dvd.

Then the little shit waited until Chris left for work last night and I was in the office downloading music and got into the kitchen trash. I actually smacked him on the butt. I immediately felt guilty and apologized but he was already mad at me for hitting him. Sigh. This is my life. They may be headed back to their crates.

Dog Gone List

The list of things now gone via the dogs.

1. A wooden and plastic embroidery hoop.
2. Two borrowed blue ray dvd cases.
3. Smarty Pants game case.
4. Many rolls of toilet paper.
5. Tons of plastic bags.
6. Newest Sedaris hardback.
7. Quite a few trash filled bags. (our fault)
8. Thermometer covers. (plastic and paper box)
9. Texas law book.
10. Scrabble dictionary.
11. A few socks.
12. A pair of panties.
13. 5 hemp collars.
14. A leash.
15. Paper. Bills, receipts, etc.
16. Entire bag of cod treats. Plastic bag too. (It's smelled like fish for a week.)
17. Bag of chicken jerky. (their treats)
18. Bag of doggy cookies. Luckily it was a huge one from Costco so they couldn't finish them all. Just too much to consume. After all that jerky.


Every time we come home from an excursion we open the door hoping the interior of the house is still in tact. Often times there's something chewed up on the couch. It's not uncommon for vomiting and diarrhea to surface after these bouts of destruction. This morning Buster threw up and there were little pieces of my embroidery hoop in it. If only that made things better.

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb....DUMB

I just realized that the port-a-cath that my aunt is having put in today is the same one that my mom had. It's like all of that left my brain and just made an appearance in my gray matter to synapse back into reality.

Duh.com

My mom had the line on her chest and they'd just hook up the chemo IV bag there and push push away. Why I didn't remember this I have no clue. I think I was even there when she got it removed. OUCH!

Today I'm in allergy hell. I don't think alavert is going to cut it anymore. I look like Taradolph the Red Nosed Mexican. I think I'm going home early to rest, take more drugs and attempt to sleep away the pain of my throbbing nose.

Good news. My mom went for another check up yesterday with her oncologist and she's healthy. I'm so happy and yet still pained by the cancer living in so many people these days.

Will that be hardback or paperback?

I hate this time of year. The weather starts to ease up a bit and inevitably I become a walking advertisement for allergy medication. I've been taking allavert since August and so its not as bad but man I feel icky. Not like someone just stabbed me with a giant needle icky but icky.

We celebrated Jen's birthday Saturday night at Gene's and later went to Mohawk. All in all it was a fabulous night. I drank too much but I had every intention of doing so and accomplished that mission. I even got the good old hiccups. That's when I knew I had to stop. Gross. Sunday was spent being hung over and then dealing w/the aftermath of being outside all night w/o extra allergy medication. It was lovely.

Buster and Jocko decided to teach me a lesson and not only knocked over the kitchen chair but got a hold of the book I'm currently reading and gave it a good chew. It was hardback (they prefer those) and new and now I'm missing pages 282 to 301. Super. It's now a paperback. You cannot eat a Sedaris book!

A distant relative died of cancer this weekend. Cancer needs to take a hike.

Ike and Galveston Turn Over

I know a lot of people came into the city to flee the storm. So I understand the influx of people and need for food and shelter. I don't understand why people in Austin were acting as if we were going to be directly hit. They've been saying for many days that it was going to be north east of us. I realize storms can be unpredictable but come on. It's not like we were going to be wading through our front yards.

I canceled my Pampered Chef party because people were being weird about going out today. I didn't hear a lot of direct complaining but the city was a buzz. My cousin canceled his 30th birthday party tonight and we're not even getting much rain.

We're still going to celebrate Jennifer's 30th though! Yay. I cannot wait to have some po' boys and liquor.

We're in limbo waiting to hear from Chris' family who refused to leave Houston, La Porte, Deerpark and Clear Lake. Last we heard it was okay in NW Houston but I fear that's not the case in La Porte where there was a mandatory evacuation. I know its an inconvenience and expensive to leave your homes but at the very least you'll be without power for a few days. Ick. In this humidity, heat and wet weather! That's enough reason for me to leave my shit behind.

Anyway, I hope all your loved ones are safe and dry.

On another note, my aunt is beginning treatment for cancer this coming week. She's going to have a port-a-cath and a programed chemo via that line. I've never heard of this and don't have any details but I'm worried about her. Everyone else seems to be optimistic in a way that I haven't quite reached. Liver cancer is very dangerous, serious, scary and uncertain. I'm hoping for the best and still cautious with my gut feelings.

I love that we're not really going to get much rain. It's fucking hilarious that people were still freaked out last night when clearly Ike wasn't coming our way. 16mph winds---whoa. Stay home and drink your bottled water. So silly.

Bittersweet

I'm back to my old chubby self and happy to not feel anything. Physical oddities I mean. There's a lot of questions I need answered and also news.


What's with that song on the radio, "Cuddy Buddy" and are we seriously allowing radio to play something that suggests that the singer is cumming all over this girl? What the hell? I was dumbfounded by the lyrics. Normally I don't listen to the radio but when I do I admit I like to listen to some crappy rap that makes me laugh. This time I was confused and then disgusted. I'm no prude but if I was jizzed on and then it became a song on the radio I'd be a little annoyed. I can't even talk about it any longer. It's gross.

My aunt has cancer. Again. I feel guilty. I had a liver biopsy on a Wednesday and she had hers on that Friday. I got good news and she got bad news. I just don't know how to feel. The usual anger and overwhelming feeling of despair, yes. The guilt I wasn't expecting to feel has been similar to a brick in my stomach. I feel like I should have been the cancer patient. It was my turn to take the brunt of the cancer plaugue. You shouldn't have to continue fighting the fight. Once is enough, thank you. January will be my mothers 5 years w/o cancer mark which is huge. Why couldn't my aunt have made it to hers? This is my mom's younger sister. She's put on her brave face and is positive that it'll respond to treatment and she'll move on. I just wish she didn't have to do this again. Luckily she was having check ups every 6 months so they caught it early. I don't have many details but this news is enough to put my brain in time out for a while.

I don't have anything uplifting or funny today. I'm living a bittersweet moment in time. I hope the feeling passes and I can channel some good old fashioned seratonin love.

Mmmm Mmmm Good

Today I feel like a normal human being. It's super. I won't take that for granted again.

I saw some girlfriends last night and it's always nice to share time with people who have seen you go through the highs and lows. It's interesting to grow into very different people yet be able to voice your ideas and concerns with out hitting a wall. Well, most of the time. It's amazing to know there are so many people on your side even when you don't know it. It's fun to hear good news too. I'll leave it at that. Wink to my noodle soup sipper.

If you haven't seen the movie Choke, you should. I just realized that it's not out yet and I saw a preview. Sorry. Go see it when it comes out. Based on a Chuck Palaniuk book (Fight Club).

If you haven't listened to The Roy Hargrove Quintet, do it. The Mexican Institute of Sound isn't bad either. You don't have to be Mexican.

Yes, I really am this bored. Back to Sedaris.

Natural Birth Control

Babysitting. The other white pill. (it's not supposed to make sense)

I watched Noah and Nick last night and man-o-man is that a great reminder that I cannot tolerate children for long. I know if they're yours its different but I'm willing to guess at least 50% of the time I wouldn't care that they were from my uterus. If I had them.

They're not even bad kids. They're just kids. Demanding and smart. You can't ignore them because they just come and tell you weird shit or yell for you. You can't ignore them because that's child abuse. Well a light form but I don't see the point in having them if you're not going to pay attention. That's just setting the world up for another psycho or a-hole. (just take a peek at my office pool)

Nick was watching tv and quietly existing. Noah did pretty well entertaining himself too. Then all of a sudden there was a dirty diaper. I start to change it and its no big deal. But as I'm cleaning up his bum and admiring his rolls---he farts. Little punk. Watching a fart come outta a baby's butt isn't cute.

The next task. Dinner. Noah sucks down his meal and Nick informs me he's hungers. So I ask him what he'd like and I get the cereal response. I know it isn't bad to eat cereal because I know its healthy but I'm thinking let's try something more nutritious. So I ask what he had for lunch. He can't remember and is irked that I want him to eat something else. I begin listing possibilities. Fruit, milk, cheese, tomatoes, blah blah. No, no, no. I said why don't you have a taco. That's what your parents ate for dinner. He tells me he only eats healthy food. Not the first time I've heard this tune. To which I cleverly reply (so I think), "It is healthy. It's organic hamburger meat that has little fat and you can top it with tomatoes, lettuce and avocado; all of which are vital to daily nutrition." I remind him about his omegas, licopene and vitamin c. He denies it. He tells me, "So sorry. I don't want that." What the hell am I supposed to say to that? I take a deep breath and search for more food. He gives into a kiddie frozen dinner. To which I willingly make because it takes no effort on my part and he's happy. However I do remind him that its high in sodium and probably processed on some level which isn't healthy in comparison to the tacos which are ready to eat! (He looks at me, smiles and walks to his table.) Then he announces while I'm back to feeding the tiny dude that he is thirsty. (and it begins all over again)

Such a simple task but so much patience. I'm exhausted from having this conversation with him. I look at the clock. 7:30pm. Bed time is at 8:30pm.

I'm still feeling tired and my insides are a little unhappy at times. I got home after the sitting and my right ovary decided to send shots of pain for what felt like an eternity. Walking hurt. Damn ovary. You better be sending a dead ova down my tube!

Then the dogs crawl on top of me and I fight for a small spot on a bed that could sleep 3 humans. What the hell is wrong with this picture? I need to lay down the doggie law. When I can bend and not ache, I will.

I'm consistently running a low grade fever too. It's not cause for alarm but just enough to make me wonder from time to time if my liver is still trying to heal itself after such a traumatic needle poke. Liver tears are blood and that's never a good thing.

A little late

My oncologist's nurse just called to tell me to get off birth control. Duh.com Old news. I cannot believe I have an oncologist. Weird.

I hope to see everyone soon but am very overwhelmed by being the center of attention. Normally I'd be telling dirty jokes at the center of attention and not answering questions about biopsies and being open to hugs and well wishes. It'd odd being temporarily, possibly and awkwardly ill. But not.
Well, I do have a tumor. It's not like it flew south for the winter. Not yet but hopefully. Winter being the rest of my life.

I desperately want all of this behind me. I desperately do not want to get knocked up while waiting for this tumor to shrink.

I don't think I've ever been this desperate. How can anyone live here? Ugh.

There seriously is nothing else going on in my life. I'm consumed by the awareness of my liver. Turns out it likes rum and whiskey but isn't too fond of vino verde. How can it dislike wine? It better wise up soon. I'm thirsty.

Seriously?

I'm closer to being 100 percent Tara again which is a great feeling. However yesterday I learned that my aunt who had colon cancer almost 4 years ago now has a lesion on her liver and had a biopsy Friday. What is going on? This is terrible news. Certainly it could be nothing but in someone who's had cancer, liver lesions move into a whole new category. I'm concerned and I hope she gets good news soon.

This coming up week is going to be lame. Holiday week blues and sitting in an uncomfortable chair for many hours. I hope its back to a boring life for me. I really do.

Labor Day is grand. Chopped BBQ beef sandwiches for all!

Goodbye estrogen I'll miss you

Yesterday I was having fun with the situation because the news is good. Today I'm annoyed but not in that stressful way.

The tumor I have is rare. This hepatocellular adenoma. It's only found in women my age (what the hell is that supposed to mean?) on birth control (hormones). Yes, yes, I abuse my bc's but it seems that I probably was going to get it anyway. Perhaps it wouldn't have grown so large but we'll never know. I personally believe the benefits to less/no periods outweighs the other option. However, I cannot continue to ingest hormones when I know the estrogen is feeding the tumor. (where's arnold when you need him?)

It's common for this type of tumor to be present and then shrink when the woman ceases the bc's. That's proof enough for me. The real problem with this mass-o-vessels is that it can continue to grow and could rupture at any moment. Does that happen very often, no. It's not something I'll stress about. I'm off birth control and terrified I'm going to get knocked up. I'm hoping that my next CT will show a decrease in the size of the tumor and we'll be on our way to complete normalcy.

The scary thing is that had I not inquired about my own health I could have bled internally when that mass ruptured and got bigger w/o my knowledge. It's scary to think about that but I'm glad that I wanted to know if I was in danger of high cholesterol or other easily testable diseases. You should get yourself checked out. It may save your life.

Cancer Free

Dear Hepatocellular Adenoma,

I'm just sitting here with my headache and liverache. How are you? It's great that you stopped by to cause confusion and concern but I'd appreciate it if you'd deflate and disappear. What's that you say? Stop feeding you birth control? Well well my tumor of shit, how the hell am I supposed to keep tiny dudes from emerging from my uterus?

Thanks for the unnecessary biopsy, that was fun!

Love,
Your local host, Tara.

Dear Hostess,

When will you stop being angry and feed me some cupcakes? I promise not to bleed and cause you any more surgery or harm.

Love,
Your Livery Tumor


I'll let you know what the gastrointerologist says about all of this on the 25th. If I get knocked up before then I'm going to kill this tumor w/my bare hands.

Thanks to all of you for your love and support. My tumor thanks you too.

Post Liver Biopsy. AKA The Worst Day of My Life Thus Far

If someone told me what I'd really feel like after this biopsy I'd have told them to fuck off. I've never had any hospital bouts so the pain was completely foreign. I feel like a wimp and I really hate that.

I kept thinking that I was watching someone else being wheeled to the CT room. I kept thinking this could not in fact be happening. It's too ridiculous. When the tech, radiologist and anesthesiologist are giving me their speeches I keep laughing (before any drugs) and saying this whole thing is stupid. Then we get into a chat about where my faerie will be stabbed for the biopsy. When the radiologist walks into this conversation he looks perplexed and then once he starts jabbing scissors in my ribs to figure out where he's going in (no meds) he realizes there's not faerie in the room but a faerie he might have to attack w/a needle. A needle they discuss in this manner. "So here's the 19 gauge needle but we have a 20" and they poke the scissors in me some more and look at my intercostals perplexed. I finally look over at the anesthesiologist and say, "is it too soon for the good stuff? I think I need to be high if I'm going to have to listen to which gauge needle they're about to stab me with." He laughs and begins to get ready to push it.

Oh dear baby jesus. Now I know why people ruin their lives to become junkies. That first hit was like sex and candy. Wait, isn't that a song? Seriously that was good stuff but totally not worth what came after I woke up.

You know that stabbing feeling you get when you run for a while? In your side. That's what it feels like. That sensation times two and then for some reason my uterus is crampy. So moving is super fun. It's like I don't have abs and believe me there's plenty of flab to prove that theory.

So I feel awful and am in the hospital laying on my right side so that if I'm bleeding it doesn't pool. This is so uncomfortable I ask for more meds. I never want to take anything. I don't believe in it. However I'm in pain. I'm on the verge of tears every few minutes and all I can keep saying is, "this is so fucking stupid." Poor Chris hasn't eaten since 8am and he's trying to comfort me. It's 3pm. I came out a lot later than I was supposed to. I swear I heard they took 4 samples. I swear that the doctors looked perplexed by the screen of my thoracic cavity. I thought my thoracic vertebrae looked awesome. I saw my insides and they're pretty cool. Turns out I want to keep them. All of 'em.

I bled a lot. The mass was very vascular and all I know is that I changed gowns in the CT room and when I looked I was a bloody mess; and I don't mean that in a british way. I had to stay 4 hours post biopsy for observation. It was terrible. I couldn't eat so I couldn't get any vicodin or I'd be sick. Then I got sick. Do you know what its like to puke IV fluid with a freshly wounded liver? Don't try it. Highly overrated. The only good part was that Chris jumped up to help me throw up into my pink bean shaped vomit bowl. He held my hair, I held a very warm bowl of vomit. It was love. Seriously, I realized in that moment that no one else would do. After I apologized for stinking up the room and over all ruining his day he says, "I'm used to it. I'm just glad it doesn't smell like alcohol." Oh l'amour. Finally I'm really thankful for his job.

My mom was there which was comforting too. It was at that moment that I also realized we'd been in the opposite situation only 4 years ago. Fucking cancer. I'm going to be pissed no matter what the news is about the tumor. No cancer, great. Thanks for the biopsy that was super fun. Cancer, holy shit I don't think I can do this every week. The pain, fatigue and vomiting.

Ugh. I'm grumpy and I hate being a burden. This sucks. I can't drive for another 12 hours, not that I could. I can't lift anything over 10lbs for a few days and I can't have ibuprofen for 5 days. This tylenol shit isn't cutting it. Guess who's getting a migraine? Oh and I can't have alcohol for another 12 hours. Not that is sounds appealing at all but I like that she threw that in there while I was wiping the mucus off my face post vomitus maximus.

In conclusion, I do not recommend nor condone the use of large needles in any organs. When I walk I look like a grandma. I cannot walk upright for very long. WTF?

Go organic to minimize your risk of carcinogens. This isn't worth it. I promise.

A Little Less Phone Calls A Lot More Sleep

The phone rang at 3am and then again at 430am. No one is there but static and no caller ID. I wonder if it was jesus christo.

I've been awake since 3am. My back hurts again and I've got yet another headache. Ibuprophen isn't even helping the headaches anymore but I can't take my migraine medicine unless I want to be comatose.

I hope this fog will lift upon the words, "you don't have cancer but we need to watch the tumor in case it grows and causes any other problems; have another ultrasound in 6 months. BYE!" Those glorious words.

I don't think watching a liver biopsy on youtube made me sleep any faster last night.

Thank you to all of my fabulous friends and family who are so graciously ready to entertain me on a moments notice. If it'll make you feel better to visit me tomorrow before the biopsy please do so. I don't however want you to come sit around waiting for me to come out of a very uneventful procedure. It's not like its surgery. I'll be okay and my parents and Chris will be there so it's not like I'll be lonely. I hate sitting in hospitals waiting for someone to come out so I sympathize with the situation. I don't however want to make anyone feel like I don't want to see them. It's not personal but I know the whole thing is all very boring.

I promise to post a post biopsy report to announce the ridiculous shit I said under the IV hootch. Hopefully I don't call Chris the wrong name and tell the tech I love him/her. There's just no telling.

Keep up all the positive energy! I'm off to harness my chi.

T

4 Days

It's purely coincidental that the name of my blog is Tarafied and my e-mail address is taratoma@gmail.com. I didn't want any of you to freak out about it and think I was being dramatic. I've had that e-mail address for years but it's not my primary.

I had my blood drawn this morning. I stopped looking after 4 viles. Seriously? I hope they didn't take more than that. It was making me nauseous. Well that and the fact that I ate pizza right before bed and then didn't have anything to eat or drink before the lab. I wasn't even supposed to fast. I'm just an idiot.

It's going to be a long day. I'm thinking I need Clay Pit mussels to make me feel better.

Biopsy or Bust

I haven't been blogging for fear that I would ruin a friends vacation. I can't see why she'd check my blog but on the off chance that she did I didn't want to upset her. Now that I have some news it doesn't seem as scary although I don't personally feel all that better about it.

My MRI baffled the radiologist and my family physician. What we thought would be a simple hemangioma turned out to have a dense portion w/in the mass. It's inconclusive enough to warrant further investigation. He referred me to an oncologist since he isn't a specialist.
Yesterday I went to my mom's oncologist, Dr. Kasper, at Texas Oncology. I never thought I'd be in that building again. In my own shoes. Filling out the paperwork reminded me of the terrifying day I'd been helping my mom with hers. I was warm and clammy. I hadn't had more than two bites of cereal and a latte and it was 330pm.

I sit at the dreaded patient services desk talking about insurance and coverage. I get a folder w/information that says, "FIGHT CANCER." I want to bolt.

So there Chris and I go into the exam room. Oh wait. I forgot to tell you that I'm running a fever. They take it twice and its 100. Really?

We talk to Billie, the nurse, and Dr. Kasper. They're both wondering what idiot referred me here to waste their time. Okay that's what their faces seem to be saying. However a few things that I hadn't considered come up. Fatigue the last few months, bruising, my headaches. All of a sudden I think, "oh shit, I've got cancer." To which I'm reminded that it's not much by way of the liver. It's a stretch. He doesn't understand why I've got this mass and no real health problems.

So he decides that we need to run some tests. A CBC(complete blood count), AFP(alpha-fetoprotein) and CEA(carcinoembryonic antigen). The CBC will look at my blood cells in numbers and types of cells. The AFP detects tumors of liver and ovaries in my case. The CEA measures protein in the blood that's affiliated with cancer (typically colon, pancreas, breast and ovary).

The reason for these tests is that its abnormal to get liver cancer. Unlikely. People with liver cancer usually have cancer in another organ/tissue and it metastasizes to the liver. I don't have any symptoms of any cancer thus far but these tests in conjunction with one another will give us a clue if anything questionable is going on. It's still not enough though.

Wednesday I will have a CT directed biopsy of the liver mass. My condition is medically coded as hepatic lesions. I feel like a fucking AIDS patient all of a sudden. Anyway, it's a 15 minute simple procedure. I'll be consciously sedated. Silly and won't remember anything. I'm going in to Seton Main at 1030am, the biopsy is at 1pm and I should be out of there an hour or two later and only be sore. Chris will drive me home and I'm sure I'll lay around feeling even more anxious for results. You think think they'll give me more of the conscious sedation for my liesurely needs?

What I'm saying is that the oncologist is baffled by my overall good health and this tumor in bmy liver. He wants to make sure he's not overlooking something because I look healthy and feel okay but he is concerned about what this mass could entail.

I'm not holed up and bawling every minute but I'm not sleeping well and suddenly very aware of my damn liver and my back hurts. He did karate chop my back and asked if it hurt. It didn't.

I drank a glass and a half of wine, didn't enjoy it and when I wasn't even thinking about my liver I swear I felt it throb. It's all in my mind, I know. If you have a way to shut down my brain please let me know. I'm willing to try.

I'll update after the biopsy but I won't have any new information until Friday. Another week in the lap of limbo.

Hemangioma, shmeangioma

El doctor thinks that mass in my liver is a tumor-o-blood vessels. Benign most likely. I feel a little better about the whole thing and tomorrow morning I'm having a MRI to verify the guessing game that has been my life.

I'll post the results when I get them.

Why do I have this mass and what does it mean? I don't know. Once we can verify what it is then we can figure out or give a good ol' u.s. of a western medicine guess.

I'm veiny.

Answer The Phone!

Holy shit if someone doesn't answer the phone at my doctors office so that I can talk to his nurse or him I'm going to rip out my liver myself and take it to the receptionist.

So no, I haven't heard from my doctor just yet.

Liver Mass: Noon Worship

It's a difficult and uncertain thing to say. I have a mass on my liver. The mass needs to be looked at via MRI for further evaluation. It could mean I have a mass for no real reason and its not cancerous or problematic. It could mean something a lot worse but that's simply ridiculous, right?

Since most of my lab work is normal and I don't have any symptoms I think the likelihood that this is something serious is slim. This is what I'm telling myself. I'm telling myself this until Tuesday when my doctor is finally back at work and will give me his opinion and then place an order for an MRI so that I can get answers as fast as possible.


For the technical you:

A 7.5 x 8.1 x 6.2 cm slightly heterogeneous but predominantly isochoic mass is seen in the right lobe of the liver. The liver is otherwise unremarkable.


Am I concerned? Yes. Am I plagued by this? Not yet. It's fresh on the brain and too foreign to comprehend just yet. For now I shall enjoy the weekend and hope that work is busy on Monday so that I don't have time to sit around wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Uncertainty is worse than a diagnosis and prognosis. Even if it's serious at least I'll know.

Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. These benign masses show up on organs all the time. I could name it and move on with my life w/o any problems.

PS. I'm not telling my parents or Chris' parents anything until I know what's what. They're parents. They worry enough. Let's not make them worry about something that's likely to be nothing.

TSH & Amylase: The Loves of My Life

It's not my thyroid or my pancreas. Good news but the possibilities are more mysterious.

I'm having a liver ultrasound in the morning so maybe it'll be tap dancing or something that would cause an increase in ATP.

It's Chris' birthday today. 26 years old. Weird. He's growing up before our eyes! I haven't seen him yet. We're having a late lunch to celebrate. By that I mean he'll be half awake and will pretend to eat while I engulf my red curry. Then I'm going to a book club meeting while he sleeps. Turning 26 is the best!

The olympics are keeping me up late at night. I cannot believe the Chinese gymnasts. They're ridiculously good. It's as if they're on wires performing those stunts. I swear one of them is going to rocket themselves into the next venue.

It'd be pretty awesome if a hot male gymnast would miraculously fly on top of one of the hot scantily clad divers. That would be some olympic gold! In my book.

And Phelps. Seriously. He's evolved into a water creature. Does that dude have gills? In the time that he rested between meets last night I drank more rum and had another slice of pizza on the couch. I feel like such a loser.

Back to the goat cheese.

Now that's what I call doctoring!

Every time I see my primary physician I swear he gets more handsome. It's ridiculous than men become better looking and distinguished with age. He's probably only 42 or so but wow, he's hot.

After I close my mouth and stop staring at him in a longing way we begin discussing my health and possibilities. I tell him about my family history and how Jocko had all these tests run that I have and the ones he orders. He doesn't seem baffled by this fact but I'm still thinking that we've been poisoned by some unknown source. I'm not going to turn into a zombie who's convinced there's a government conspiracy to kill me with lead. I'll let it go.

The doctor felt me up, I mean examined me and didn't find anything extraordinary or abnormal. He didn't think he would and doesn't think that anything is really wrong with me.

He ordered a thyroid test, pancreatic amylase test and then I'm having a liver ultrasound to verify that there isn't any hidden necrosis or disease as a precaution. If nothing is definitive then we'll retest my blood in another month to monitor the altered enzymes in hopes that they're leveling out and monitor my over all health as well to assure there are no other changes.

I assume I'll get lab results in a few days and I've got to schedule my liver ultrasound. I hope they print me out a picture.

Other stuff-

I'm watching the olympics and loving it. I can't get enough. Badminton is such a hilarious/genius sport. I have a net. We should play.

I'm having a pampered chef party. Weird, I know. They have several products that I love. I really am looking forward to accumulating more of them. September 13th. Noon. My place or Annie's, I'm not sure.

Another vile, another day

After more tests and more confusion I've come to the conclusion (Tara Vela S.P.M.D.) that its my thyroid and not my liver. Why you ask? Controlling my thyroid is easier than not having cocktails. That's why. I can't believe I thought I was an alcoholic.

So it turns out my ALP is the one that's elevated.

Here's the low down. Really the high up.

ALP metabolizes phosphorus and brings energy back to the body.

Normal ALP would be 49-145. Mine was 259 one week and 249 the next.

My bilirubin, calcium and co2 are low. My GGT (brings oxygen to tissues) is in normal range.

If your ALP is high and GGT normal it could be bone disease, congestive heart failure or hyperthyroidism. My sister has an over active thyroid.

So then I had another round of testing. Alkaline phosphatase isoenzymes. The liver one was 198 when the normal range is 0-94. The bone one was 40 which is within the 0-55 norm and the other one was 238 in a 40-120 range.

Hyperthyroidism is common and treatable. Buster is on human hyperthyroid meds so I can just bum his goods.

I also don't have to worry about drinking and feeling like I'm two shots away from death.

I'm relieved and I don't even have confirmation that my conclusions are fact. I did learn that I don't have hepatitis. That's always nice to know.

I'm going for follow ups next week. I'll let you know.

Liver or Lover

My liver is unhappy and now there's evidence to prove it. Why did I ask for a full work up? I've had blood work run twice and the results are the same. High ALT levels. Now for more tests.

I admit to drinking more than usual the last few months. I enjoy wine with my meal and wine with my book. I guess its problematic. Now I've found a few cocktails that I enjoy drinking and so they too are creeping into my evening activities.

I guess I'm going to stop drinking so often. All together? Unlikely. One glass of red wine a night shouldn't be a problem but I guess I'm going to have to cool it until its established that I do or do not have a health problem on my hands.

Now I've got CSS's lyrics in my head, "do you wanna drink some alcohol?"